劳动节随笔二零二二

一

I’ve long been trapped in a circle of fighting against myself. Up till now, still I have no idea why things falled in such a rush. With no bravery to expose the trouble of myself, I swallowed the pill of escapism and maybe some cynicism as a transitory and illusory relief. In a way, it is equivalent to the confession of personal failure. Or even worse, it’s distorted by this gloomy era where people with no faith couldn’t breathe. It’s intensified from a perspective of some random or once hard-working small-town guy gradually get a glance of the ruthless operation mechansim of Chinese society. It’s disturbed by the huge obstacles standing in between traditional parenting full of emotional abuse, high requirements and nearly no postive response and modern education. The first one pictures a gray future for everyone. The second one only tells a more hopeless story about alienation of human-beings by so-called capitalism or other cults. If the age of 21 century devours future, the last one is about the past with extra meaningless tolerance towards poverty or feelings about unsafety or conflicts within traditional Chinese families. Here, I am not to say, it is all because of such a miserable objective outside world so that I couldn’t stand anymore. No, things are not working like that. I know many etraordinary people who dare to overcome all kinds of sufferings. More or less, there may be a generation of the species who resist and win. They set a perfect example for me as well. However, the key-point is, such negative environment changes my mind eternally.